Trauma in Motion
Life is a series of challenges. Life changes you. I suppose that is the point. You come into this world with a certain disposition and your environment caters to your every need and helps mold who you are going to be from a foundational end. But then as you enter the world where you are responsible for your needs, you inevitably come in contact with tragedy. It’s like a concoction. Everyone has their own recipe of challenges that they are dealing with, or have dealt with so far in this lifetime. Without going into the specifics of the particular trauma effecting me today, I have decided to share with you my pondering of how the traumas of our lives change us, and as yogis, how we can build awareness around those changes.
Something people rarely talk about (because we are resistant to acknowledging their existence) are the walls we put up to protect ourselves. I truly believe some of these walls are put up out of fear of traumas, and some are put up because of a past trauma. The problem with barriers is that they block the light as well as the dark.
These past traumas also manifest themselves in our bodies as well. Our bodies are literally roadmaps for the traumas that manifest in our bodies; the hunched shoulders, tight hips, etc. are products of our environment but also common places we hold stress. This morning in yoga I was in a simple supported bridge pose and I could feel a subtle energy moving through my core into my chest. It was almost like the stress from my most recent trauma is trying to find a home in my body, and I don’t want it to. I’m so grateful to yoga for finetuning my perception to these energies.
Outside the physical, things are shifting as well. Concerns and fears of my safety are creeping up to a point where I am concerned it will live in my body forever creating anxiety over time. But we can’t control the things that happen around us. It sucks seriously—we want to. We try to. But we can’t. And if we try, if we grip life a little too tight, then we close ourselves off to opportunities and build walls that block the lights in this world like love and joy.
I know I don’t have the full clarity of a person who has worked through this trauma and is sharing from the other side—I’m still very much in it. Because I’m still in it, I am able to pause and observe what is going on, and make a mindful decision as the energies transfer through my body. In truth, I know traumas change a person, but instead of ignoring it, and allowing the change to manifest on its own—usually with fear, anxiety or depression being the result—I have decided to shine a light on it and choose not to store fear in my body, that I’ll be breaking through the rest of my life.
Pause and connect in order to protect and serve. That is my journey on this day.
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